My brother Darren, a senior engineering leader, dropped this truth bomb on me last week: "Everyone on your team wants you to do well as long as it's not better than them."

I laughed, then stopped. He was right.

I've seen brilliant engineers celebrate each other's promotions with genuine joy.

I've also watched those same engineers subtly undermine peers who threatened their position as the "go-to expert."

I've experienced both sides.

Team members who pushed me to be better because my success meant their success.

And others who seemed supportive until my achievements overshadowed theirs.

Here's what I've learned about navigating this uncomfortable reality:

Competition isn't the enemy. Hidden competition is.

The healthiest teams I've built acknowledge this dynamic openly.

We discuss individual goals alongside team objectives. We celebrate wins without creating winners and losers.

I've learned to create multiple paths to success. Not everyone needs to be the star engineer.

Some excel at mentoring, others at architecture, others at shipping fast.

When there are many ways to win, competition becomes less zero-sum.

The hardest part? Being honest about our own reactions when a peer excels beyond us.

That twinge of envy is human. What matters is what we do with it.

I've learned to ask myself: Am I threatened because they're better, or inspired because they've shown me what's possible?

The best engineering leaders I know create environments where rising tides truly lift all boats. Where "better than me" becomes "better with me."

What's your experience with workplace competition - does it fuel growth or create friction?

Originally posted on LinkedIn with #EngineeringLeadership #WorkplaceCulture #TeamDynamics